Removing that stalker for good

That female stalker issue of mine just wouldn’t go away.

https://uncoffined.com/2026/07/07/dealing-with-that-narcissistic-female-stalker-one-year-later/

I avoided any interaction with her for over a year, but unfortunately the rest of the workforce worked out her infatuation and the fact that I’m avoiding her.
This made things rather complicated, because the audience could make it out to be what it never was or will be.

Because of this, I made an effort to actually talk to her, rather than have some misguided people talk ‘on my behalf’. She was all dressed up to the max as she has been for the last few weeks, and sort of glowing like she was on heat.

I came away from that with the conclusion it will be difficult to have a down to earth candid conversation and get her to understand that I am not interested in her.

This is the first time I’ve actually spoken to her. Everything beforehand has been non verbal / dry begging / power plays.

There’s an air of mystery around her which is a bit of deja vu to me. -past experience tells me that that mysteriousness is carefully crafted to hide -nothing, there’s no real personality, only images.

I decided to try to talk her again a few days later, but she had already gone for the day..

This is where everything took a dramatic turn of events..

I spoke to the HR manager (female) inquiring when she would be back, but she enthusiastically wanted to know why. She was shocked when I told her why, which sent her into a tail spin.

A few days later, I’m in a full on formal interview, where I read out all my notes about whats happened so far-
(I had my wife on speaker phone through the whole interview process.)

-ambushed at a cafe like we are on a date (I had no idea who she was at the time, it took 3 months to work that out)
-The hate stares and staredowns, etc, like I had offended her somehow
-missed mystery phone calls that hang up when I return them.
-the attempts at ‘matching’ my personality
-the charm offensive
-the super charm offensive

It was a difficult interview as I felt I struggled to get my point of view across, and I felt like crap afterwards.

A second interview was held with HR with my wife present. This went very well, and they gained a very good understanding of how I see the situation. I’ve been keeping records all this time, which they asked for a copy of.

A third interview was setup with two managers who weren’t part of the process so far to discuss ‘conduct’ issues. This is where my wife and I smelled a rat. Those managers don’t read people well, which would lead to god knows what.

We thought it likely my documentation was about to be used against me, as that stalker has probably lied and just made stuff up, which will lead to a he said / she said scenario which will go on forever. (any attention at all is desirable to them).

The solution then, was to resign before the meeting and invalidate their whole investigation, which is what I did.

A few days later, I organised to drop off the company keys and get my stuff out. It was a very low key affair and no one realised I was leaving.

Looking back..

My easist option would have been to just quietly leave the company six months ago, rather than just work around her, waiting for her to latch onto someone else.

Talking to EAP (Employee Assistance Program) was helpful and they were very supportive, and so was keeping notes as they advised me to. -notes are very useful if it ever went to court.

Talking to HR very quickly made it into a full blown witch hunt, when a quiet word in her ear may well have helped her to move on.

Ethics just didn’t get mentioned -what sort of person hits on someone who’s married?

The company I worked for, had changed dramatically over the years that I worked there and became quite political and toxic. I had avoided all the politic’s, just kept my head down and did my job to the best of my ability. -Thats no longer possible there, which was another reason for leaving.

I made 2 mistakes

-I spoke to the newly appointed woke HR manager who works for the companies interest, not mine. It’s notable she obviously didn’t know she own staff very well. (the stalker is one of them!).

-They asked for my notes, which I supplied in good faith. These were likely about to be used against me.

So what happens now?

I’m not spending any more time or energy on this subject.

looking Forward

It’s likely I’ll look at contracting or working for a much smaller company in the future, but for now I’m just enjoying been a man of leisure.