When you meet the wrong girl, -Part one

To set the scene, we need some background.

I grew up with parents who resented each other and barely spoke, let alone anything physical. It was a 1960’s thing that they stayed together for appearances sake, rather than endure the stigma of divorce. It didn’t help that mum suffered from depression.

My parents were a good example of what didn’t work.
That left me wondering though, What is right? Is it like the waltons on TV?, but thats just fiction, right?,

There were no positive role models in my life, just two emotional icebergs.

This meant growing up with no idea about girls. It didn’t help that I went to a boys only high school.

So, in order to find out what I didn’t know, I started off on a journey…

The big question for me at the time was -Was I good enough?

One of mistaken beliefs I had in 1984, was that all girls are the same.
I had no idea how to talk to this girl Tina, that I was infatuated with,  so I just went to her house & asked her out, she was surprised & made excuses etc.

I was right out of my comfort zone doing this, but I couldn’t see any other way. I knew she had her shortcomings as we all do, but I naively thought we could grow together.

She had little confidence, extremely nervous, shy, conservative, simple.

She seemed to live in a sheltered closed isolationist world & struggled with outside influences beyond her control. She didn’t communicate much at an audible level (if at all, it was easy to miss),  We would furtively glance or wave at each other when no ones looking, but we never seemed to get further than that.

Then one day, out of the blue, she got very abusive to me in front of friends, which just left me feeling totally humiliated, and never knew why -(I still don’t)

It’s hard to overstate the sense of betrayal I felt.

That was the turning point.

I felt I had an answer to my question at last -No, I just wasn’t good enough.

It subsequently became obvious to her how I felt about her,  but by then it was too late, the damage had already been done and any trust was gone.

I hadn’t any idea all this time whether I was going about things the right way, & I felt I was right out on a limb.

I decided it was better to be alone after that, it just made life so much simpler, with far less hassle. I stuck firmly to that resolution for years to come, and I decided that I would never leave myself open to abuse like that again.

Crucially, I had also learnt to control my emotions, and simply looked at everything objectively from then on.

I left my home town and headed for the big smoke (Auckland) after that, just to get away from all that toxicity and peer pressure that comes from living in a small town.

Thru all this, all other aspects of my life were progressing well, I had finished my apprenticeship, had money to spare, life was good.

There were other girls that were nudged towards me in the background in those days mostly via flatmates, and these were very genuine, but the fire had gone out, I had no vision, or any idea of boundaries, expectations, etc, so I just didn’t go there, least I make a fool of myself.

I was done with walking through minefields without a map.

I used to replay the whole saga on a regular basis in my own mind & I always came to the same conclusion. -What I had decided to do was the best thging to do with the information available.

Around this time, I started going to a gym to fix my weight (lack of) issues, and I started reading self help books.

Life was getting better.

But then fate intervened and turned everything upside down..

Part two is here….  https://uncoffined.com/2025/08/20/when-you-meet-the-wrong-girl-part-two/